Phew, I think I almost forgot how to write these things! Complements of my 5 year old Gateway finally getting flaky on me. However, this a review that should have been done
at least a month ago but I still will be tedious in my details as my readers like! Now, if you have read my reviews before you know I am not a fan of chains. They are cookie cutter slop houses that attempt to mimic a once great restaurant [though something tells me Applebees could have never been good.] I was in for a 'nice' surprise with Long Horn Steak House. My first guess was that it was going to be like a 'howdy cowboy' rendition of Outback [blah]. Well, walking through the doors I was hit with a BOGUS "Howdy yall' how many are goin' to be in your party?" I almost turned around and walked into on coming traffic BUT I pressed on. By the way the restaurant decor looked like Woody from Toy Story went on a glue-huffing bender and came out with this...
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| You have a friend in me lamp... well... not really (and for the record that was the second Toy Story Joke) |
To give them the benefit of the doubt they were 're-modeling' though I couldn't find what was actually being worked on... I have to be honest I opted for this restaurant because ESPN was playing these commercials NON STOP one weekend during college basketball and I guess I bent to the ad. (Boy, does that show a weak constitution or what?) After being seated at our dirty booth I looked at that all important beer selection... then I remembered that beer/wine/liquor at chain adds a
easy $500 to any tab. So, I went for a starter. I figured their fried onion thing would mimic Outbacks appetizer so some extent. Funny story, it was actually better than any onion 'fried starter' than I have had in a long time. Highly recommend.
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| What's that boy?! There's a problem at Ol' Man Centore's arteries! Lets ride! |
What did I like? So I came here for steak. Yes, I know it wasn't going to be a $50 a pound steak from Old Man Jenkins secret cattle ranch. In fact I half expected a 'strip steak Denny's style' but I got something in between the two. I ordered a special, it was the 16oz steak with mozzarella and Parmesan cheese. Gross? Well, if you have a sodium deficiency saddle up and down about 17 of these salt explosions. But, sadly... it was kind of what I was aiming for. The steak was actually seared well and the 'presentation' (using that phrase lightly) was actually like the ad looks like! Shocking I know! Oh, keep your chin up buckaroo! It was only $16 for that entree which came with a baked potato and a salad. Strike that, it came with a salad and a hallow potato with about 7lbs of bacon and cheese in it....which leads me too...
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| Just like a NYC Steak house! Geez, I need to stop huffing modeling glue with Woody... |
What would I change? Step one, drop the fake "giddy up cowboy" act, please. This 17yr old illegal alien serving me my salad is not simulating John Wayne by any stretch of the imagination. Next trim down your menu by about 30 selections. I could barley see the 'original' entrees buried under page after page of Shrimp Round Up Cheese Explosion or Steak Six Shooter Showdowns options. Stick with the basics and maybe the quality of the product may go up? Maybe? Just a thought. Which leads me into a food tangent: Why do places like Burger King, Long Horn, Quaker Steak, Hooters etc... all start with one great foods staple a la famous burgers, great chicken wings or good shakes. Then they add flavors and different ways to expand on their original idea, great. Then they expand their franchise, okay. Then they add crap on their menu that kind of co-exists with their original dish, fine! Then they add crap that has NOTHING to do with their Wold Famous 'X' factor, boooo! Now that raises the overall cost of all the entrees, lowers the quality of their given products and makes me bitter towards them, I'm looking at you Dinosaur BBQ. Now for most people that would be enough of a rant... But, what makes these eating establishments even worse is that most Americans would settle for a trip to Taco Bell then try and seek out a local eatery. Then they have the nerve to say "Oh you should try out Olive Garden, we love to get Italian there when we want a special night out." Oh, excuse me while I take my fist out of your face. I could go on and on, but my point is this: When you want a night out try and find a local restaurant unique to your own area. Try that local greasy spoon you pass every day on the way to work. Or experiment and hit-up that Mexican restaurant that isn't a Chipotle. And if you take nothing from this... I hope you enjoy that frozen BK Quad Stacker, jerk.
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| Kind of like a Adirondack Cabin threw-up on the set of True Grit |
Recommendation? Despite exploding on this and others like it, this was okay. Meaning, it's exactly what I expected with tempered expectations. It maybe a tad skewed because I haven't had steak since August of last year and I was 'steak parched' or maybe it wasn't that bad. But, buyer beware, these prices are a tad high and you could bet or match them at any local restaurant FYI. But, if you wish to see what the Loan Ranger sees when he trips major acid then you should head out to a Long Horn Steak House without delay. By the way, if you are heading to one make sure you sign up for their 'email alerts' because you get a free appetizer that's good for your first visit. Other than that, that's all the inside information I can offer.
Link to their main menu (to find one closest to you... don't) Long Horn Menu Page
