Long Horn Steak House (University Area)

Phew, I think I almost forgot how to write these things! Complements of my 5 year old Gateway finally getting flaky on me. However, this a review that should have been done at least a month ago but I still will be tedious in my details as my readers like! Now, if you have read my reviews before you know I am not a fan of chains. They are cookie cutter slop houses that attempt to mimic a once great restaurant [though something tells me Applebees could have never been good.] I was in for a 'nice' surprise with Long Horn Steak House. My first guess was that it was going to be like a 'howdy cowboy' rendition of Outback [blah]. Well, walking through the doors I was hit with a BOGUS "Howdy yall' how many are goin' to be in your party?" I almost turned around and walked into on coming traffic BUT I pressed on. By the way the restaurant decor looked like Woody from Toy Story went on a glue-huffing bender and came out with this...

You have a friend in me lamp... well... not really (and for the record that was the second Toy Story Joke)

To give them the benefit of the doubt they were 're-modeling' though I couldn't find what was actually being worked on... I have to be honest I opted for this restaurant because ESPN was playing these commercials NON STOP one weekend during college basketball and I guess I bent to the ad. (Boy, does that show a weak constitution or what?) After being seated at our dirty booth I looked at that all important beer selection... then I remembered that beer/wine/liquor at chain adds a easy $500 to any tab. So, I went for a starter. I figured their fried onion thing would mimic Outbacks appetizer so some extent. Funny story, it was actually better than any onion 'fried starter' than I have had in a long time. Highly recommend.

What's that boy?! There's a problem at Ol' Man Centore's arteries! Lets ride!

What did I like? So I came here for steak. Yes, I know it wasn't going to be a $50 a pound steak from Old Man Jenkins secret cattle ranch. In fact I half expected a 'strip steak Denny's style' but I got something in between the two. I ordered a special, it was the 16oz steak with mozzarella and Parmesan cheese. Gross? Well, if you have a sodium deficiency saddle up and down about 17 of these salt explosions. But, sadly... it was kind of what I was aiming for. The steak was actually seared well and the 'presentation' (using that phrase lightly) was actually like the ad looks like! Shocking I know! Oh, keep your chin up buckaroo! It was only $16 for that entree which came with a baked potato and a salad. Strike that, it came with a salad and a hallow potato with about 7lbs of bacon and cheese in it....which leads me too...

Just like a NYC Steak house! Geez, I need to stop huffing modeling glue with Woody...

What would I change? Step one, drop the fake "giddy up cowboy" act, please. This 17yr old illegal alien serving me my salad is not simulating John Wayne by any stretch of the imagination. Next trim down your menu by about 30 selections. I could barley see the 'original' entrees buried under page after page of Shrimp Round Up Cheese Explosion or Steak Six Shooter Showdowns options. Stick with the basics and maybe the quality of the product may go up? Maybe? Just a thought. Which leads me into a food tangent: Why do places like Burger King, Long Horn, Quaker Steak, Hooters etc... all start with one great foods staple a la famous burgers, great chicken wings or good shakes. Then they add flavors and different ways to  expand on their original idea, great. Then they expand their franchise, okay. Then they add crap on their menu that kind of co-exists with their original dish, fine! Then they add crap that has NOTHING to do with their Wold Famous 'X' factor, boooo! Now that raises the overall cost of all the entrees, lowers the quality of their given products and makes me bitter towards them, I'm looking at you Dinosaur BBQ. Now for most people that would be enough of a rant... But, what makes these eating establishments even worse is that most Americans would settle for a trip to Taco Bell then try and seek out a local eatery. Then they have the nerve to say "Oh you should try out Olive Garden, we love to get Italian there when we want a special night out." Oh, excuse me while I take my fist out of your face. I could go on and on, but my point is this: When you want a night out try and find a local restaurant unique to your own area. Try that local greasy spoon you pass every day on the way to work. Or experiment and hit-up that Mexican restaurant that isn't a Chipotle. And if you take nothing from this... I hope you enjoy that frozen BK Quad Stacker, jerk.

Kind of like a Adirondack Cabin threw-up on the set of True Grit

Recommendation? Despite exploding on this and others like it, this was okay. Meaning, it's exactly what I expected with tempered expectations. It maybe a tad skewed because I haven't had steak since August of last year and I was 'steak parched' or maybe it wasn't that bad. But, buyer beware, these prices are a tad high and you could bet or match them at any local restaurant FYI. But, if you wish to see what the Loan Ranger sees when he trips major acid then you should head out to a Long Horn Steak House without delay. By the way, if you are heading to one make sure you sign up for their 'email alerts' because you get a free appetizer that's good for your first visit. Other than that, that's all the inside information I can offer.

Link to their main menu (to find one closest to you... don't) Long Horn Menu Page       

Rock Bottom Restaurant

Alright, I am usually not a critical person (uncontrollable laughter) so this review shouldn't be too harsh. Firstly, I was not aware this was a chain til I heard the dreaded phrase "at this one" which means 'more than one' which means the company sacrifices Quantity over Quality. However, Rock Bottom was able to hide the fact that they were a chain rather well OTHER than the atypical layout of the place that looked like cookie-cutter restaurant chain layout, I digress. Now, I went with a group of 12 so one would think I could not place judgment on the check... wrong. The waiter was nice enough to split it up so we can get a nice laugh about the cost of eating at this dinning establishment. (Side note: I may have been in four or five highballs at this point so my judgment maybe a tad skewed...)      

A regular at this place SHOULD be able to guide us to a successful dinning experience

 

Now I am all for mood lighting or 'dark Italian restaurant trip over a chair lighting' but I just think Rock Bottom did not turn on anything but their emergency flood lights. (Wow, am I getting that old that lighting is throwing me off now?) But, RB's 'claim to fame' is their beers. I love beer! Who doesn't? But, I made a mistake [yes I admitted to one] I opted for their "Stingin' Brits I.P.A" which I thought would taste like Syracuse SPA (SYR Beer). Now Middle Ages brewing company makes a IPA and a Pale Ale and I guess the labels look the same? I have no idea. Either way the RB IPA was rough and I like my beers hearty. I may just get their Southern Flyer Light Lager (-10 man points.) Here is a link to a PDF of their available beers Rock Bottom Charlotte Beer List.

Well, you win this round Stingin' Brits I.P.A

What did I like? No need for cocktails or appetizers here just jump into your actual generous main course portions. I got ribs ($20.99) which the ribs themselves were rubbed with sweet magnolia rub. It was a very different approach to ribs in NC. Most of the time the ribs are grilled to a nice char than doused in lop sauce (a vinegar based sauce) and served juicy. This was a different take with the layers of rub and char that was very good. However, it seemed that at one point all I could taste was the rub and the meat was a small side note (sigh.) Now, I can't remember our waiters' name (oops) but his service kept me from whipping out my Gateway laptop (yes Gateway) and start writing away. He was able to keep up with 12 sauced 20'somethings and then after all the little orders and countless entrees he still asked if we'd like separate checks. Amazing.

I mean... I still ate them all...

What would I change? Something that I have learned is that if you go to ANY restaurant and you are VERY hungry anything will go down easy, no matter how much you detest Denny's (gross.) Yes, this place wasn't even a glimmer of that manic depression diner but I went in hungry [and buzzed] which leads to weird food choices and monster appetites. Okay, my ribs, lets get down to brass tacks [does anyone even use that expression anymore?] What did it come with? Fries, I think. These over cooked and cold potato sticks would even make the Burger King cry. Well, what about the slaw? Eh. I got excited because it didn't come in a plastic bowl but it tasted like nothing. I could catch a hint of anything in there. And the ribs. At 20 bucks the amount of ribs was impressive. But, there was SO MUCH RUB I couldn't taste the meat and what a rookie mistake to get ribs at a place that doesn't wreak of BBQ smoke and burning wood. And I saw the 'burgers' which even the Red Robin wouldn't take a peck at. AND when all is said and done I was still hungry (gross again.)

Recommendation? I would like to think that if I went back I would get something else. But, that would require me to go back again. One thing always gets you is the 'nice chain' that blind you with the gilded environment and then hit you with a monster bill and a unsatisfied palate. I think at $40 a shot anyone would go broke here. But, oddly enough I did have a lot of fun there but they may have been to great company, a volley of assorted shots and not having to work early the next day... So, for the average person this maybe what you want, maybe you want par American food with a higher (unwarranted) price tag then yeah, "do it up!" But, for most this is a hop-skip-and-jump that you really shouldn't take.

A link to their main website index: http://www.rockbottomsouth.com/index.php?pg=food                

Cook-Out "Cooked Outdoors Style"

For lunch, for dinner, for late night 'I am hammered and I will literally eat anything', Cook-Out is always a good choice. If you live in NC/SC you know what one is, you know how good it is, and you know that you probably will order way more than you wanted to. It's not really fast food, for my CNY/Utica readers it is essentially a Voss' on the go with way more options, and for someone that doesn't get that reference, Cook-Out is a perfect hybrid between fast food and sit out burger restaurant. Boom. The best part? The price, you would pay more for a 'value meal' at a BK or Wendy's and get a flat "burger" with suspect fries for the same price of a HUGE real burger with fresh cut fries AND a shake! (Side note: this review was a long time coming, I have eaten here about a dozen times before I did a review, why? Because I inhaled the food before I could get a crappy cell phone picture of it!)

Bigger picture than normal but this gives you the idea quality/quantity and price!

That's lot of choices! And if you are in a hurry you can order via their TWO drive-thru windows and there is also a walk up window on the other side of the building! Everything is always fresh and hot, I have never ever had a wilted fry or cold hot dog from here. Now, a rookie move is pulling up and not knowing what you want. Why? Because you tend to start 'ordering hungry' which could lead to multiple bags of heart-stopping goodness. And what is a must? Adding on to your burger or hot dog! My favorite? A huge (that's a small patty on a larger patty) burger Cook-Out style with chili, slaw, mustard and onion mmmmm.....

This cost $21.48 (huge cheddar burger, regular Out-West burger, cheddar dog, hushpuppies, chili-cheese fries, chicken strips and a Peanut butter fudge shake)

What did I like? Well, what don't I like? I could list everything I have ever eaten there and then explain each thing but I am not going to do that for obvious reasons.... But, I will tell you what is a must if you are heading out to a Cook-Out for the first time. One, you need a burger from here. It isn't like a Mickey D's burger that looks like a clay disc that was boiled (blah). It is real hand formed ground beef burger, BOOM! Sizes are small, regular, large and, my favorite, HUGE. You get to then add on for .65-.85 cents, cheddar, steak, Cook-Out and Out-West! What goes better with a burger than homemade chili and cheese on some freshly cut fries! Feeling that tingle? That may be the early signs of a heart attack but you have to keep adding on! A hot dog is a must with a .65 cent add on of cheddar, Mexi and Cook-Out. Finally, it wouldn't be a Southern meal with out .99 cents for of a dozen hushpuppies! (They fry these in the same fryer that cooks the onions rings so it has a nice onion-esk taste). If you have a hankering for something sweet then look no further than there 35 choices of homemade shakes from Blueberry Cheesecake all the way to Peanut Butter Fudge. Too thick? A Cheerwine float with a shot of soft-serve vanilla is a more 'healthy' (hahahahaha) choice.

This is a immaculate HUGE cheddar burger (Onions, cheese, mayo and REAL bacon)

What would I change? Now as much as I have praised the daylights out of this place EVERYONE has room for improvement, but nothing drastic here. From order, to paying, to driving away is fine; it's as long as you would expect to wait from a semi-fast food place, think '5 Guys Order Timing.' So, that isn't so much of a problem as it is just an FYI. But, there are a few things on that rather voluminous menu that I would avoid like the plague. This is something that saddened me, their quality of  their onion rings. Booooo! Sadly, the breading was flimsy, which lead to a weird cooking of the onion which leads to sub-par onion rings. All the onion rings do that thing that every ring eater hates... you take a bite and then the whole onion rips out and then you are stuck eating a scorching hot 1,000 degree onion while holding the shell of it's breading... if you don't know what I am talking about then you must have a very active and healthy lifestyle and I applaud you. The only other downside is their chopped BBQ. It... it isn't right to eat 'drive thru BBQ' (can you hear me McDonald's and your gross McRib, nasty.) Their pulled or chopped 'pork' looks like canned pet food or maybe ground meat? Avoid please.

'God Bless America' is on very take out object... (I don't know how I feel about that)

 Recommendation? If you are hungry and want something quick please do not go to BK, Wendy's, McDonald's etc... Look out for Cook-Out! They are scattered all over NC/SC and should be your first option for greasy on-the-go-food. For two dinner is cheaper than any crappy Chili's or Outback and is way better, trust me. I have only broken a $20 once and that's because I was trying to see what it would take (and I was hungry, and yes it was for two people.) Never underestimate that 'Co_ _ _ut' sign (I have never seen a Cook-Out neon sign that has all it's letters.) Now I am going for a 100 mile run to burn off a 1/4th of that HUGE cheddar burger.

A link to all Cook-Out's, it's essentially a locations tab and menu: Cook-Out "Cooked Outdoors Style"

Boardwalk Billy's

Finally, I didn't want to go running and screaming from my entree! Mostly because this place WASN'T a chain, they had what I call food, and my wallet didn't need a shock from the AED paddles when the check came. (Full disclosure: I have been here before and didn't write a review)

John Boy &  Billy's Grillin' Sauce (Hot & Spicy)

Oh my goodness, what are those pictured above? Only the best chicken wings I have ever eaten. And that white stuff that comes on the side? Boardwalk Billy's homemade blue cheese, and it is unreal. The atmosphere is what you would expect from a bar/restaurant in the University area of Charlotte. But, with a smattering of different college football games on their LED TVs, a tasty Sam Adams Octoberfest in hand and great BBQ one could not ask for more.

These ribs would make any true Southerner blush.

What did I like?   Okay, I grew up in Syracuse, NY, home of the world famous Dinosaur BBQ- Known for BBQ and beer. But, after years of commercializing and downsizing portions they are not even a shadow of what they once where. Billy's was able to re-charge my belief that BBQ restaurants can give big portions at good prices. Our waiter, Brad, was very reliable and was able to build a good rapport with us. The wings were crispy, had a lot of meat on the bone, and the sauce- John Boy & Billy's Grillin' Sauce (Hot & Spicy)- was great. The sauce has a great mix of spice, sweet and a taste of its own. I love ribs. I am picky about how they taste and how they are presented... no worries here. These ribs would make any true Southerner blush. The meat, which there was a lot of, fell right off the bone. The sauce wasn't over powering but a mere perfect glazing on great rib meat. And if it matters, their homemade fries are great!

It's all gone! OH NO!

What would I change? First, I may have to start taking pictures with a real camera and not a low-def cell phone, rookie mistake, you hate to see it. It's going to seem petty but their coleslaw left something to be desired. I know I am from NY where the slaw is mayonnaise bases (blah) and Southern slaw is vinegar based (eh). But, I like to see a good mix between the two, this was more like cabbage in a water bath. And because I am being honest, I know this isn't a true-to-life sports bar BUT their TV placement wasn't the greatest. It could have been from I was sitting, who knows. Lastly, this is carry over from last time. Billy's BBQ pork... not a fan. It did not match up with their A+ ribs/wings/sides. It was odd to see such a drop in quality from A-to-D. Okay, nothing else bad to say!

Recommendation? If you want solid, no, great BBQ at okay prices this is a must. Their ribs are great. Their wings are great. They have a good selection of mixed drinks (for the ladies) at reasonable prices. And a wide selection of tequila! They have great versatility; meaning you can go for a few drinks, watch the game and chomp on a few wings... you can go there and have a huge sit-down meal (with homemade dessert shooters [get the chocolate mousse]) ... or you can have a great 'drinky' night out with friends. Choose your poison, you can't lose! The worst part? When you go: "It's all gone! OH NO!"

Boardwalk Billy's Charlotte site: Boardwalk Billy's at University