Long Horn Steak House (University Area)

Phew, I think I almost forgot how to write these things! Complements of my 5 year old Gateway finally getting flaky on me. However, this a review that should have been done at least a month ago but I still will be tedious in my details as my readers like! Now, if you have read my reviews before you know I am not a fan of chains. They are cookie cutter slop houses that attempt to mimic a once great restaurant [though something tells me Applebees could have never been good.] I was in for a 'nice' surprise with Long Horn Steak House. My first guess was that it was going to be like a 'howdy cowboy' rendition of Outback [blah]. Well, walking through the doors I was hit with a BOGUS "Howdy yall' how many are goin' to be in your party?" I almost turned around and walked into on coming traffic BUT I pressed on. By the way the restaurant decor looked like Woody from Toy Story went on a glue-huffing bender and came out with this...

You have a friend in me lamp... well... not really (and for the record that was the second Toy Story Joke)

To give them the benefit of the doubt they were 're-modeling' though I couldn't find what was actually being worked on... I have to be honest I opted for this restaurant because ESPN was playing these commercials NON STOP one weekend during college basketball and I guess I bent to the ad. (Boy, does that show a weak constitution or what?) After being seated at our dirty booth I looked at that all important beer selection... then I remembered that beer/wine/liquor at chain adds a easy $500 to any tab. So, I went for a starter. I figured their fried onion thing would mimic Outbacks appetizer so some extent. Funny story, it was actually better than any onion 'fried starter' than I have had in a long time. Highly recommend.

What's that boy?! There's a problem at Ol' Man Centore's arteries! Lets ride!

What did I like? So I came here for steak. Yes, I know it wasn't going to be a $50 a pound steak from Old Man Jenkins secret cattle ranch. In fact I half expected a 'strip steak Denny's style' but I got something in between the two. I ordered a special, it was the 16oz steak with mozzarella and Parmesan cheese. Gross? Well, if you have a sodium deficiency saddle up and down about 17 of these salt explosions. But, sadly... it was kind of what I was aiming for. The steak was actually seared well and the 'presentation' (using that phrase lightly) was actually like the ad looks like! Shocking I know! Oh, keep your chin up buckaroo! It was only $16 for that entree which came with a baked potato and a salad. Strike that, it came with a salad and a hallow potato with about 7lbs of bacon and cheese in it....which leads me too...

Just like a NYC Steak house! Geez, I need to stop huffing modeling glue with Woody...

What would I change? Step one, drop the fake "giddy up cowboy" act, please. This 17yr old illegal alien serving me my salad is not simulating John Wayne by any stretch of the imagination. Next trim down your menu by about 30 selections. I could barley see the 'original' entrees buried under page after page of Shrimp Round Up Cheese Explosion or Steak Six Shooter Showdowns options. Stick with the basics and maybe the quality of the product may go up? Maybe? Just a thought. Which leads me into a food tangent: Why do places like Burger King, Long Horn, Quaker Steak, Hooters etc... all start with one great foods staple a la famous burgers, great chicken wings or good shakes. Then they add flavors and different ways to  expand on their original idea, great. Then they expand their franchise, okay. Then they add crap on their menu that kind of co-exists with their original dish, fine! Then they add crap that has NOTHING to do with their Wold Famous 'X' factor, boooo! Now that raises the overall cost of all the entrees, lowers the quality of their given products and makes me bitter towards them, I'm looking at you Dinosaur BBQ. Now for most people that would be enough of a rant... But, what makes these eating establishments even worse is that most Americans would settle for a trip to Taco Bell then try and seek out a local eatery. Then they have the nerve to say "Oh you should try out Olive Garden, we love to get Italian there when we want a special night out." Oh, excuse me while I take my fist out of your face. I could go on and on, but my point is this: When you want a night out try and find a local restaurant unique to your own area. Try that local greasy spoon you pass every day on the way to work. Or experiment and hit-up that Mexican restaurant that isn't a Chipotle. And if you take nothing from this... I hope you enjoy that frozen BK Quad Stacker, jerk.

Kind of like a Adirondack Cabin threw-up on the set of True Grit

Recommendation? Despite exploding on this and others like it, this was okay. Meaning, it's exactly what I expected with tempered expectations. It maybe a tad skewed because I haven't had steak since August of last year and I was 'steak parched' or maybe it wasn't that bad. But, buyer beware, these prices are a tad high and you could bet or match them at any local restaurant FYI. But, if you wish to see what the Loan Ranger sees when he trips major acid then you should head out to a Long Horn Steak House without delay. By the way, if you are heading to one make sure you sign up for their 'email alerts' because you get a free appetizer that's good for your first visit. Other than that, that's all the inside information I can offer.

Link to their main menu (to find one closest to you... don't) Long Horn Menu Page       

Rock Bottom Restaurant

Alright, I am usually not a critical person (uncontrollable laughter) so this review shouldn't be too harsh. Firstly, I was not aware this was a chain til I heard the dreaded phrase "at this one" which means 'more than one' which means the company sacrifices Quantity over Quality. However, Rock Bottom was able to hide the fact that they were a chain rather well OTHER than the atypical layout of the place that looked like cookie-cutter restaurant chain layout, I digress. Now, I went with a group of 12 so one would think I could not place judgment on the check... wrong. The waiter was nice enough to split it up so we can get a nice laugh about the cost of eating at this dinning establishment. (Side note: I may have been in four or five highballs at this point so my judgment maybe a tad skewed...)      

A regular at this place SHOULD be able to guide us to a successful dinning experience

 

Now I am all for mood lighting or 'dark Italian restaurant trip over a chair lighting' but I just think Rock Bottom did not turn on anything but their emergency flood lights. (Wow, am I getting that old that lighting is throwing me off now?) But, RB's 'claim to fame' is their beers. I love beer! Who doesn't? But, I made a mistake [yes I admitted to one] I opted for their "Stingin' Brits I.P.A" which I thought would taste like Syracuse SPA (SYR Beer). Now Middle Ages brewing company makes a IPA and a Pale Ale and I guess the labels look the same? I have no idea. Either way the RB IPA was rough and I like my beers hearty. I may just get their Southern Flyer Light Lager (-10 man points.) Here is a link to a PDF of their available beers Rock Bottom Charlotte Beer List.

Well, you win this round Stingin' Brits I.P.A

What did I like? No need for cocktails or appetizers here just jump into your actual generous main course portions. I got ribs ($20.99) which the ribs themselves were rubbed with sweet magnolia rub. It was a very different approach to ribs in NC. Most of the time the ribs are grilled to a nice char than doused in lop sauce (a vinegar based sauce) and served juicy. This was a different take with the layers of rub and char that was very good. However, it seemed that at one point all I could taste was the rub and the meat was a small side note (sigh.) Now, I can't remember our waiters' name (oops) but his service kept me from whipping out my Gateway laptop (yes Gateway) and start writing away. He was able to keep up with 12 sauced 20'somethings and then after all the little orders and countless entrees he still asked if we'd like separate checks. Amazing.

I mean... I still ate them all...

What would I change? Something that I have learned is that if you go to ANY restaurant and you are VERY hungry anything will go down easy, no matter how much you detest Denny's (gross.) Yes, this place wasn't even a glimmer of that manic depression diner but I went in hungry [and buzzed] which leads to weird food choices and monster appetites. Okay, my ribs, lets get down to brass tacks [does anyone even use that expression anymore?] What did it come with? Fries, I think. These over cooked and cold potato sticks would even make the Burger King cry. Well, what about the slaw? Eh. I got excited because it didn't come in a plastic bowl but it tasted like nothing. I could catch a hint of anything in there. And the ribs. At 20 bucks the amount of ribs was impressive. But, there was SO MUCH RUB I couldn't taste the meat and what a rookie mistake to get ribs at a place that doesn't wreak of BBQ smoke and burning wood. And I saw the 'burgers' which even the Red Robin wouldn't take a peck at. AND when all is said and done I was still hungry (gross again.)

Recommendation? I would like to think that if I went back I would get something else. But, that would require me to go back again. One thing always gets you is the 'nice chain' that blind you with the gilded environment and then hit you with a monster bill and a unsatisfied palate. I think at $40 a shot anyone would go broke here. But, oddly enough I did have a lot of fun there but they may have been to great company, a volley of assorted shots and not having to work early the next day... So, for the average person this maybe what you want, maybe you want par American food with a higher (unwarranted) price tag then yeah, "do it up!" But, for most this is a hop-skip-and-jump that you really shouldn't take.

A link to their main website index: http://www.rockbottomsouth.com/index.php?pg=food