Stool Pigeons

Who doesn't like dirty bars? Me. I heard good things about this place so I went in with some-what high hopes... oops. The first thing I should have noticed that there was about 20 people smoking outside in jeans and dirty hoodies, typically a warning there will not be fine dinning ahead. Then the notorious 'please wait to be seated sign' quickly followed by a "hey you, you can sit anywhere" from the downtrodden bar tender. Finally, I got to wait on a waitress that came over after she finished talking to her friends and figured that she may want to wait on a table. Nice. Maybe the food could pick this bar/restaurant out of its very apparent tailspin, maybe...

Do I get a flashlight with my burger?

So, already in a deep whole, I wondered what should I order? I would have asked the waitress but, I think she was more concerned about that gum she was chomping on or that her friends might think she was lame for taking care of the costumer. So, I opted for a order of loaded fries and 3x10 orders of wings in various flavors. Oh, before I forget this place was labeled as a 'sports bar' which would have lead me to believe that they would have important sport games on their up to date 32' tube TVs (har har har)... not so much. Not only couldn't I hear any of the NBA/NCAA games on but I couldn't make out if I was watching Michigan State v. Ohio State or a I-Pad commercial. Now lets talk about the food!

Heart attack heaven... mmmm irregular heart beat

What did I like? This was the first place that I have even eaten load fires and they weren't soggy. The fries were crisp, the cheese was good, the bacon was real and the portions were good for only a couple of bucks. I know this may seem moot that I am hyping loaded fries but it's hard to find a place that doesn't serve up a platter of mushy potatoes with semi-cold cheese and bacon bits or in some cases Beggin' Strips. And then I struggle to find anything else that would lead me to another positive comment about this place...

Wings? Right? I don't know really, you tell me...

What would I change? When I order wings at a restaurant is it too much to ask that the wings aren't as big as Little Caesar instant-wings-too go? This is the first place in a long time that I could not tell the difference between their hot, honey BBQ and teriyaki flavors. How is that possible? It's because they did not take the time to cook, toss and serve wings. Not enough sauce, not crispy, small size AND were not cheep by any means. IT'S A SPORTS BAR [liberal on the word sports.] Then of course the celery and carrots are going to be as flexible and about as edible as Gumby, don't know who Gumby is? That's a shame, Google him. Then, I was like okay wings, epic fail, they have to have good beer and shots specials right? I mean they seem to push the booze here... nope. Not even domestic specials, and shots? Well, if you want anything other than rubbing alcohol with grenadine syrup you will be paying over six to seven dollars a shot. Nice.

Recommendation? Is there really any question to what I am going to say? I always write the review of the restaurant in my head as I eat... I thought I was going to end with: "well if you want to grab a beer and watch some sports etc..." NO. Not even a hint of a HD TV, a game day beer special, or a food item that won't send you to the ICU... Some may say I am being to harsh but I would just like to keep people from being blindsided like I did by rave reviews about this place. If you are heading to the Stool Pigeons make sure you follow this check list: don't shower/shave, dress like you are about to mow your lawn and make sure you talk loud enough for everyone to hear you talk about your 'high profile job' that includes words like 'I', 'am', 'a', 'substitute', 'bus driver'.

If you didn't read anything I just wrote here is their website: Stool Pigeons